Posts tagged ‘switch’

December 17th, 2012

Topping Tales

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you may have read about my previous wibbles in identity and difficulty with topping. I’ve questioned whether I’m actually sadistic, whether I am good enough to top someone, does it make me less of a submissive or bottom, does it mean that I’m a bad person? It’s been a long, neurotic pathway and very much interlinked with my general anxiety and self confidence issues. Maybe I just hadn’t met the right person. Who knows and does it all really matter?

What I’m finding now is that I’m almost more of a top than bottom (although there are definitely ways to bring me to my knees rather swiftly!), very much a switch and I’m able to accept it as part of who I am much more readily.

Having such a fabulous bottom to play with is definitely a huge part of this. From the first time we played, I felt a connection and my self consciousness ebbed away so quickly. It felt so natural. Her calling me Miss and kneeling eagerly at my feet fills me with awesome feelings and inflicting pain, threats and sensations and seeing,  hearing and feeling the reactions gets me so hot!

Instead of feeling threatened or competitive with her other top, I feel empowered. We work well together and boost each others confidence.

And the best thing about all of this? I’ve also got amazing friends out of what started as a play thing. Very much important people in my life.

November 2nd, 2012

Blade’s Edge

Cold steel on skin
Eyes filled with fear
The unforgettable sound of unsheathing
The weight in your hand
The power in that weapon
Shivers running down the spine
Caressed by icy metal
I want to make you go weak at the knees just with the threat
I want to be controlled by someone else’s blade
Completely entranced by knives, happy to be a switch

July 20th, 2012

Fight Fire with Fire

Fire brings out a different side of me.  The thought of setting a trail of flash cotton over someone’s back and then teasing with a sparkler, flickering over their skin, feeling the prickling moments of heat dancing, never sure when the intense flash of pain will hit.

Fire mesmirises me, excites me and draws out the top in me.  I suddenly have a desire to tease and torment, playing with fire and ice, working with sensations, pushing the senses, driving someone crazy.

The glint in my eye, the crazy grin, the evil giggle; that’s what happens when you let a pyromaniac kinkster play with fire!

January 20th, 2011

Educational Opportunities

I was checking out my Twitter feed the other day and a retweet by a friend caught my eye. It was a call for bloggers to become students at Kink Academy for the semester and write about their experiences. So here I am, applying for the placement, thinking that this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me.

Since I came back onto the scene and started to explore who I am, I’ve done a lot of reading and I still have a lot more to do. I love to learn, to perfect and to share my experiences with others. I’m still exploring my kinks and examining my identity as a switch. I’ve been on the look out for some good videos to show me the ropes (possibly quite literally) and Kink Academy appeals to be, just from watching through the odd few videos. You can learn such a lot from the experienced and sometimes books and forum posts can only tell you so much.

I use this blog as a way to get my thoughts out; to come back later and think about where I was as a person when I wrote that post. A stream of conciousness and a reminder of fun times. Writing about kink is a huge turn on for me too!

Currently, I am in a poly relationship, with my husband B and my girlfriend S. I’ve only ever really been a bottom but I am learning about how to top right now so that I can help give S the release she wants and to have some fun with it. It’s a scary but very exciting time. I think the videos on Kink Academy would be a huge help to me, not only as a top but as someone who probably hasn’t even begun to realise the full extent of her kinks. I would be sharing my experience not only by incorporating what I learnt into various aspects of my relationships but by writing it down to come back to later and think about how it effects my life.

January 11th, 2011

Switch?

I’m starting to even question whether switch is the right identity for
me anymore. I find myself as a bottom to those who I care about
deeply and just don’t feel a need to top them, from my point of view.
Recently, I’ve not even wanted to fight back, although the more I
think about it, the more I want to if the situation arises. It’s
strange but I feel that I can’t cause them any harm because I care
about them but I don’t have a problem them doing it to me and I still
know they care.

I think there’s something else there too. I am scared of being a
failure too. If I take control, will everything go wrong? Will I do
things right? Will I satisfy them? Sometimes I just need to get over
this and “man up” as S would say. I have to. These slightly neurotic
ideas don’t just stop with the idea of topping someone. I have the
‘what if I’m not good enough in bed’ thoughts and I really do need to
let them go, embrace my sexual being and get on with it. I held back
from doing something the other night because I was scared of just not
being very good and I wanted to kick myself for it. It’s not that the
situation won’t arise again, I just need to stop being such a pussy.

Even just writing this has made my mind wander and think that maybe I
can do it. Everyone has to start somewhere and of course I’m not
going to be perfect the first time, or ever, for that matter. I do
want to do bad things to others; they just need to want me to do bad
things to them!