Posts tagged ‘rant’

September 9th, 2011

Sinzine Soapbox Rant – Femme Invisibility

I wrote this rant a little while ago, although it’s taken a while to be published.  There is obviously a flipside to it, which the darling S points out on a forum she frequents.

Why do you give her a look that says, “You don’t belong here”? Or even worse,
look straight through her, assuming she plays for the other side? Why does she feel
like an intruder in the gay bars when she’s git every right to be there? Why does
she feel invisible when she’s one of the most stunning women in the room? I’m
talking about all the gorgeous femmes out there, the ones that don’t want to dress
like the stereotypes imply. Those that like pretty clothes and wear makeup and aren’t
afraid of their femininity. My beautiful girlfriend is one of them; a girl that I can’t
believe I get to be on the arm of. And yet she gets a surprised look off many when
she says she’s a lesbian. She’s not about to exchange her heels for sensible Docs or
her dresses for dungarees but she’s still sad that, because she doesn’t confirm to a
stereotype, even other dykes fail to see her as one of them. She’s a little bit scared of
the local lesbian bar, in case people question her credentials and look at her like she’s
out of place. Why should she though? These wonderful femmes should be celebrated
for who they are. They shouldn’t be told, “There’s no way you’re a lesbian”. They
shouldn’t have to fight to be noticed. They should be accepted as part of our diverse
community.

July 5th, 2011

Sinzine Soapbox Rant – Biphobia

Soapbox - Biphobia

I may get berated or lambasted or whatever for this rant but I was feeling quite wibbly about my sexuality when I wrote this.  I also want to point out, before some of you read this and jump to conclusions, I do not think that every gay and straight person thinks in the ways I may have mentioned and I don’t feel oppressed, marginalised or discriminated against.

For a long time, I’ve known that I’m attracted to both men and women. I’m currently
at a point where it’s mainly just women that I’m attracted to but, deep down, I know
I’m bisexual. Yet, look at my various online profiles and I will identify myself
as queer or gay or lesbian or dyke or anything that will avoid the B word. That’s
because I’ve managed to internalise a phobia for it, based on other people’s reactions
to that word. I was a member of my university LGBT society but was too scared to
tell them about my boyfriend, in case they decided I wasn’t one of them. I avoided
hanging out in lesbian bars because I was scared they’d treat me like an outcast
because I happen to like boys too. I’ve been called greedy, been told that I’ll make
my mind up one day, that I’m sitting on the fence, have had people imply that I was
only with women to titillate the men around me and, in general, look down on my
sexuality. Various straight people said it was just a phase and I was saying it because
I wanted to be cool. ‘How do you know?’ was what I was asked when I came out
at school. Is fancying women not enough? Even now, I’m scared to out myself to
various people. I’m a new member of my local LGBT choir and they know about my
girlfriend but I’m scared to mention the man in my life, for fear of not fitting in.

For a minority group, you’d think we’d stick together but there are definitely people
out there who seem to think the B doesn’t belong. If I’m with a man, I’m obviously
straight and have no right to include myself in the LGBT community and if I’m with a
woman, I must have made up my mind and be a lesbian. What if I was with no one?
Would that make me asexual? And just because I’m polyamorous and happen to have
a male and female partner, is that the only way I can use the word bisexual? Should
I feel so scared of alienation that I can’t even bring myself to identify with a certain
label? Of course I shouldn’t but, unfortunately, there is a lot of prejudice against
bisexual people and very few people willing to fit in that corner (and I really respect
those who do). I have moved on with my sexual identity but it would have been a lot
easier if I’d not been scared into avoiding the B word.

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