Posts tagged ‘collar’

November 13th, 2013

Submission and Collars

Collar

I’m a strange one, I suppose.  It took me a long time to accept my submission but, even when I did, I didn’t really understand the collaring thing, beyond it being a sign of ownership, something that I really didn’t want.  I’d owned a few collars as fashion accessories but nothing more. My opinion of it slowly changed, realising the connection I would get when S placed a collar around my neck, the nakedness I would feel without it.  Still, the collar I wore
actually belonged to me.  I did not wear her collar but my own.  When we had the uncollaring ceremony, I took the collar back but I decided that I didn’t want it giving to me directly; I wasn’t in a place emotionally to take it.  So E was with me and took it, as I trusted him to have my D/s interests and happiness at heart.  At the time, he was just a close friend and I wanted him and needed him to look out for me.

When we started playing more seriously and a D/s element crept in, it seemed like a logical and natural thing for him to place my old collar around my neck.  Collars and cuffs made me feel safe, loved, protected.  The Girl wears his permanent, locked collar but I know that’s just not something I could ever do; I’m too much of a switch for something like that.  My old collar was working out fine, most of the time, but it would get uncomfortable after a little while but I just couldn’t see myself getting another one though.  E talked of buying one for me but a few things happened and that saved me the conversation that would seem a little off for a submissive girl to be having.  The thing is, I can power exchange and give myself up in the moment.  I can submit, trust someone with everything and yet I cannot give up that teeny, tiny last bit of control.  I need to be in control, even if that does just mean that the collar that goes around my neck is one that I choose to let someone use on me.

We chose together and I even had it posted to him.  He brought it over and slipped it around my neck, padlocking it for extra effect.  It fits so well; wide enough to feel a little restrictive but comfy enough to wear for hours.  It matches the cuffs he owns already.  It feels beautiful, it smells lovely and it really is mine.  But it’s also a symbol when I wear it that he is looking after me, he is caring for me, he is in control.  I have chosen to give him that and that is what makes this collar so special now.  It may still belong to me but it was bought very much to show who I have given myself to, in that moment and it makes me feel safe and protected.  Plus, it is very pretty.  I’ve always loved wearing a collar but this is the first that has made me feel quite like this.

May 29th, 2013

Pet

I want to be your pet

I want you to dress me up and made me feel special

I want to be at your every command, to be at your beck and call

I want to kneel at your feet and be stroked, looked after

I want to be yours to play with and abuse

I want to sleep curled on your bed

I want to be locked securely into a collar and protected

I want to be yours for that moment

May 7th, 2013

Longing for protection

Since I had major hip surgery 4 weeks ago, my kink life has taken a bit of a back seat as the pain I’m in and the breaks in my bones mean I really should be taking it pretty easy.  That doesn’t mean that my mind shuts up though and kink is frequently on the brain, on both sides of the switchy divide.  My cravings change on an almost daily basis, mainly because I know I can’t have any of it but it keeps coming back to something in particular that I haven’t had for a long time.

Although I was never formally collared during my time with S, I did wear one for her at times during play and when out together and I did form a psychological bond with it.  It made me feel protected and safe, looked after and secure.  There was something very comforting in being able to feel the leather against my skin, bound around my neck.  The smell is heavenly too ( I’ve got a bit of a thing for leather, can you tell?).  Recently, I have really wanted to feel that again, and extend it to leather cuffs too.

The thing is, this all got me thinking about D/s relationships in general.  I’ve never really had much of a formal arrangement, having fallen into D/s relationships before, but there are aspects that I would love to see if they would work for me with someone, as a submissive.  I did a lot of reading when I found myself as a submissive, as well as going to several workshops and I became rather interested in protocol and service.  I like the idea of ritual and rules regarding my behaviour and actions.  I am too stubborn and independent to ever want a 24/7 relationship, plus I always wonder how that would work in poly, especially as a switch but I do have a desire to explore this side of myself again in the future, with the right person, when I am well again.  The idea excites and interests me, as well as missing some of the things I had before that came with my submission.

August 18th, 2011

The Art of Collaring

Collars have been playing on my mind a lot recently.  They’ve been a feature of the news, prompting an interesting post by Not an Odalisque but my mind has been thinking about them in a slightly different way, with thoughts jumbling and tumbling around, what with everything else going on in my life.

You may remember my post where I talked about my own submission.  Our dynamic is growing, adapting, changing and being explored.  One aspect of this came up a few weeks ago.  During a scene, S slipped a collar round my neck.  It wasn’t the first time I’d ever worn one, having been a teenage rebel (ha!), wearing them as a fashion statement (ha!), plus I also own a very nice leather posture collar but this was different.  The intention was different.

Feeling the collar encircle my neck, S’s caring and sadistic hands securing it.  The pleased look on her face.  I made no move to take it off until morning, feeling strangely content at having worn it all night, naked to the world except for it.  I actually felt some level of regret at having to take it off in the morning before going on my way to work. 

I don’t think I see the collar in the same way as some.  It isn’t a necessary symbol of our relationship and I don’t feel that to get into my submissive headspace that I have to wear it but to have S tenderly fix my collar in place does help me to connect to her.  I know some of it is less about the collar and more about the physical connection it brings in the act of having it put on and taken off me but there’s also something else.  The other week, S decided that she didn’t want me to take it off when we went out.  We were going to a munch and the SMDykes meeting anyway so it wasn’t exactly a problem with the company we keep and there was a small part of me that liked advertising our relationship to the ‘world’.  A constant reminder over those hours that I am hers.  Extending the moments, prompting more than a little reminder at the back of my mind. 

Again and again, my thoughts and feelings are disjointed and not fully formed.  I think dynamic is a brilliant word to use to talk about our d/s (and s/m) relationship.  It suggests fluidity and evolution and adaptation.  Nothing’s set in concrete whilst we learn to work with new feelings, different emotions.  I am enjoying exploring this side of me, a side I wasn’t sure I had.  But one thing is sure to me right now, that the act of placing that collar round my neck is sure to bring shivers down my spine, not through the cold but through the thoughts the start running through my head.