Archive for December, 2014

December 19th, 2014

The Little Things in Life

I’m finding myself in the position that I’m writing about something new I have found out about myself again.  I suppose this is what goes on in life, constant changing, evolving, learning about out ourselves.  Sometimes I think it’s really strange for my kinks to be like that but I think some of it is the people I am involved with.  Each one brings out something new, each one adds something different to my life.  I get to explore in a safe space and sometimes find something I don’t expect.  That’s where this post comes in.

I never thought I was someone with a little.  I occasionally did role play (maybe that needs to happen again!?) but it was never a real age thing.  I might play the younger girl but I was always really me.  I didn’t think there was anyone else.  I was wrong.  I have an inner child that I actually seem to be able to let out a little.  Not much, and she doesn’t take over completely.  I don’t know whether she ever will but I’m definitely letting her have her moments more.  She seems to be about 10, I think, although she’s sometimes more like a very naive and young 15.  She loves being cute and pretty, likes to play with Lego, to colour in pretty things and watch Adventure Time.  She’s silly, a little bratty but never too much.  Deep down, she’s like me, a good girl who doesn’t want to get into trouble, who would rather be praised than told off.  She generally just wants to drink hot chocolate and be looked after, to feel safe.  That’s all I know right now.  I’m scared to let her out too much.  She likes E but I don’t know how she sees him.  I really don’t know how she fits into E’s life!

Ok, this might be starting to sound a little weird to people, the fact I talk about my little as a different person.  Well, she kind of is and isn’t.  It’s obvious that she’s me but, at the same time, it’s not my adult head in there.  Or it wouldn’t be at all if I let go, gave her a little more freedom.  That’s something very new for me.  To realise that I do have this little, that she’s not just me acting a role.  This is something I actually feel is part of me.  She scares me sometimes.  I don’t know whether to ever let her out fully.  That is also a thing I need to work out with E.  I need to know she (and I) would be safe, which I do but I also don’t want him to be a non-consenting babysitter!  It’s probably hard enough as it is, especially when she pops up.

I suppose this is more me wondering what to do with a kink/dynamic/thing I didn’t expect, that I didn’t negotiate with my partner.  Obviously, communication is key, just like when I started to feel my submissive side coming out with S.  It’s just so hard when you barely get it yourself and you don’t know where things will take you.  All the fun of evolving, of changing, of growing; you never know exactly where you will end up, you just hope you have someone to share your journey with.

December 19th, 2014

All Quiet on the Western Front

Wow, I hadn’t realised just how long it’s been since I actually wrote something here. For that, I am very sorry. It’s not because I’ve not been a dirty, filthy slut; quite the opposite, I just seem to have been sucked into posting on a quite private (well, I’m not linking it here, anyway) Tumblr, all about filth and sex and BDSM and degradation. I may have become a little addicted. Also, I went a broke my leg over a month ago and that’s been holding me back a little bit, causing my world to slow down to a halt and make me lose all sense of time. What with a spell of depression busting, my writing seems to have taken a back seat. I shall try and do something about that and post more fun things soon.