Archive for December, 2011

December 12th, 2011

Spankvent: Take Two

As I said in my last blog, I had S sign up to Spankvent too, her getting the 11th, coinciding nicely with her return from a weekend away.

S likes to tickle me. She says I make cute noises and blames me for her doing it. Apparently, she wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t so cute. Other people seem to agree with her too, embarassingly enough, as S likes to tickle me at Munches and the like. It’s hard for me to explain the exact feelings I get from the combination of being tickled and being called cute. I like being tickled; it’s on my fetish list. On the other hand, being called cute in this context is close to humiliating me. It makes me feel small, silly and helpless. All of which I, not so secretly, love.

So what does this have to do with Spankvent? S was tickling me, which was leaving me a giggling wreak. I may just have a tendency to kick my legs a bit…I happened to have a bit of a tantrum, I don’t even know exactly why. Well, S didn’t like that so I was ordered over her knee. Eleven hand spanks, to be counted down, in German. Not actually difficult but would my brain corporate? I stumbled over my words, distracted by the spanking and the tingling feeling it was giving me. I was let back up and asked if I was sorry for my tantrum. I didn’t say yes quick enough, so another eleven for me, bare bottomed this time. I have to admit, besides the fuzzy head for German, I was enjoying this far too much. Well, I was, until I was until threatened with the shoe horn.

If you ever go to IKEA, pick up one of the plastic shoe horns. They’re a lot of fun (according to S) and rather mean (according to me). After a bout of that, I foolishly thought I was safe and moved the dreaded implement down the bed. This was seen as trying to hide it, which was not remotely what I was doing but I wasn’t believed and was punished for trying to hide it and for lying. That had me close to tears, for I hate to disappoint and I felt horrid that S didn’t believe me. Of course, it was turning me on all the while.

Being called a slut and a whore by S can have several different effects on me but often it just turns me on more, proud to be a slut. In those moments, I am her whore and will take what she gives me, even if that means choking on Dave*, tears forming in my eyes, her hand roughly pulling me by my hair.  I still have a smile on my face thinking of just how hot last night was.

Two Spankvent sessions, two partners and two very different experiences; one very happy Alyss 🙂

*Dave is the pet name for a rather unwielding dildo.  I’m not sure why it’s called Dave, I’ve never actually asked.

December 7th, 2011

Spankvent Special

I follow a number of the British spanking crowd on Twitter, mainly via the husbear’s lover, as they seem an interesting bunch and it’s good to get to know new people, even if just through the social media network.  It’s led me to reading many interesting and exciting blog posts plus introduced me to Abel’s wonderful idea for December: Spankvent

The concept seemed pretty simple; a spanking that involved the number of that day, plus writing about it.  I quickly signed up.  I had my girlfriend sign up.  Then I thought, what the hell have I let myself in for?

I chose the 5th because it is mine and the bear’s wedding anniversary.  A spanking would be fun, would help us connect, would get us in the mood.  Hmmm, I may have hoped for a little too much.  Both of us had crappy days and I thought this’d be the last thing I’d want to do.  I got ready for bed and sat waiting for B to come up.  Nerves were starting to flood me and when he lined up his favourite toys on the bed, I just sat there cowering, hugging my legs under the duvet.  Waiting for him to be ready felt like an eternity.

He pulled me over his knee and warmed up with a hand spanking.  It seemed to go on forever and I moaned and whimpered and cried out the whole time.  I thought it was never going to end, when it wasn’t even all that long.  I knew that wasn’t it either so I lay there, waiting for him to explain.  I was to take 4 strokes with 5 implements of his choosing from the selection.  One for every year of our marriage.  To count in years and to ask for more after each set.  I knew they would be with force.  He wasn’t going to let me off lightly.

When I caught a glimpse of the strap, I started to shake in fear.  It’s thick and heavy and really quite mean when used properly.  I screeched at the first contact, knowing it wouldn’t get easier.  There was no dignity.  Three more and on to the whippy cane.  More screeching and sobbing ensued.  Next was the acetate cane, one that we’ve barely used and know I remember why; there’s no give, it’s so solid and thuddy.  I took the 4 strokes as well as I could, knowing that the next cane was one I bought myself, not expecting it to be used on me.  I was stupid and wrong.  It’s a nice cane and it hurts.  At least now I know that it was worth the money.  For number 5, B decided to return to his favourite cane, the whippy one and thrashed another 4 onto my bared behind.  I wriggled and squealed.  I wanted it to be over but I knew that it wouldn’t be. 

He was admiring his handiwork, feeling the heat rising from my skin.  I felt ashamed, weak, wimpy.  I couldn’t take it well and sounded pathetic.  When I played just over a week ago, I had prided myself in not crying, not complaining and yet here I was, sobbing like a silly child.  But it was ok.  He made sure I was ok and reassured me, holding me in a bear’s embrace and reminding me just how special I am.

December 5th, 2011

Sinzine Article: Three (or more) Can Play at that Game – Polyamory and BDSM

My latest piece for Sinzine is on my personal experiences of BDSM and polyamory.  I hasten to add, I didn’t write the intro.

It’s not really a surprise that I’m writing an article about polyamory and how it fits
into my life, including its context within a BDSM setting as I’ve been interested in
some sort of poly lifestyle since I was 18. Firstly, though, I feel I should define poly in
its many forms before talking about my personal lifestyle.

Poly can refer to many types of relationship setup, although, in simple terms, it
refers to having multiple partners. People who describe themselves as polyamorous
are referring to loving more than one person. There are other terms such as ethical
non-monogamy, which incorporate the grey areas of poly, including multiple play
partners in a kink setting, having friends with benefits, having an open relationship
and all other kinds of multiple partner relationship. The difference between poly
and cheating is that people are in full knowledge of the setup they are within.
Everyone should be open and honest. It’s an ethical setup. Like all relationships,
there are ups and downs, good things and bad, and it’s not for everyone but I’m
going to talk to you about my experiences and thoughts, with some incite from my
friends, partners and acquaintances.

If you’ve read my other pieces, you’ll have probably realised by now that I am an
ethical non-monogamist. I have two romantic relationships that have no hierarchy
and both my husband and my girlfriend mean the world to me. I get to share my
love with them both and not feel the confinement of monogamy. It also means that,
even though I pretty much identify as a lesbian, I don’t have to cheat or leave my
husband to satisfy my desires to be with women. Sure, I don’t have to have more
than him in my life but I also know I won’t ever look back in regret either. It’s not
always been easy; when I was younger, I found polyamory very difficult and thought
I wasn’t cracked up for it, that I was too jealous, too needy and too dependant for
it to work. Looking back, I think it was more about me needing to grow up and
develop emotionally, as well as possibly to do with the person involved but, at the
time, I was sure it wasn’t for me so tried to get my bisexuality out of my system
before I got married as I fully intended to by monogamous and faithful. Clearly not
the best idea. When I met my girlfriend, it was a huge adjustment to my previous
way of thinking but most things came quite naturally and, generally, it’s been quite
easy.

What never occurred to me when I was younger was how this could benefit my kinky
desires too. I supposed I’d never really thought that hard about kink either. Over
recent years, I have identified as a switch, knowing that I like to give and receive. My
husband is generally a top. He’s not a masochist either really. Another thing that I
could just ignore but why not explore my own sadistic top side? My girlfriend is also
a switch and when we got together, we were both very open to seeing where the
dynamic went, both of us thinking we could maybe get the best of both worlds from

each other….how wrong could we be?! As time has past, it has become more and
more obvious that we cannot switch with each other. Again, I have found myself in
the position of bottom and, more recently, submissive. I get different things from
each of them, as my dynamics vary a lot. For example, the mere thought of being
submissive with my husband has me in fits of giggles. It also makes sense that he
himself has a second partner where his dynamic is very different; he’s still a top
but a different kind with her, in ways that I would not want from him and can’t give
him. We don’t just expect one person to be our all and we all benefit from this lack
of pressure. Still, you might be thinking that I’m a switch with no one of my own
to abuse and that is true, although maybe not for much longer! I wasn’t looking
for someone else to fill a gap; I don’t even feel it desperately needs filling but when
someone approached me, I talked to my partners and we agreed; why not? So I
may have found myself a play partner. It’s still at its fledgling stages and we’ve not
played together yet but, if all goes well, I will have a bottom of my own to abuse.

It’s not all about having different people for different things in my life either. Or
about keeping it all separate either. I am very lucky to have two tops who get on
well and compliment each other because then I have the times that we will all play
together and they co-top with each other. My most recent experience of this was
at a play event whilst on holiday in San Francisco (an amazing city for kink). We
often attend events together and don’t always play but, seeing as we were on
holiday we thought it best to make use of a dedicated venue that we just don’t have
an equivalent here in the UK. I can’t speak for them but it was hot as hell playing
with both of them; my exhibitionist side was satisfied, the modest part of me was
embarrassed (in a kinky way) and I got to feel like a princess with attention focused
on me from more than one person, albeit a very abused, battered and bruised one.
Without poly in my life, I just wouldn’t have mind blowing experiences like this, with
the added fact I love both of them just making it more awesome! They also seem
to really enjoy plotting together and have said it can be help having an extra pair of
hands to deal with me!

It doesn’t always work out though; there can by times that you want to play with
everyone but you can’t. I have both my girlfriend and my prospective play partner
going to the same play party and I’d love to play with both of them but don’t want
to spread myself too thinly, plus I just don’t think I can switch from top to bottom
headspace that quickly. There are people who will play as middles, being ordered to
do bad things to another and I could see this working but not in this situation. It can
also be tough if you have different dynamics with your partners. It’s not happened
with me yet but if, as a submissive, you are under orders, that can cause problems
for the other top in your life, depending what those orders are. Or it can be even
more fun. It’s all about communication!

Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking that I’m just a bit of a greedy cow, or a
jammy bastard or having my cake and eating it and I suppose you’d be right but at
least I’m doing this in a respectful, open and honest manner. I spend time worrying
that I could be hurting people, I have my guilty moments where I wonder if I’m
spreading myself too thinly and not giving enough to those I care about but I’d like

to think that anyone I’m involved with would be honest enough to let me know.
Communication is key to this working and having to be open and honest, not only
with yourself but by those around you too. It’s not always easy but no relationship
is.

This is all just my personal experience; talk to others on the scene and they may
have very different ones. I can very lucky and this set up works for me. I don’t
expect it would work for everyone; some people want to experience everything with
one person. Others want to experience things that one partner cannot give them,
if it’s a limit for them or just something they don’t want to do. For instance, I’ve
heard people tell me they have a rope top and a daddy; they get what they want
from different people. Or you may be in a vanilla relationship but know that kink is
important to you. As long as everyone is open and honest and knows where they
stand, I think it is ok. We’re all consenting adults at the end of the day. If you’re
thinking of opening up your relationship for the first time though, whether just for
play or more emotionally than that, I’d really recommend reading some stuff out
there. There’s some very good books, podcasts, blogs and other resources out there
if you do a quick internet search or I’m more than happy to give you my personal
recommendations.