Archive for August, 2011

August 18th, 2011

About me

In other news, although I wrote this a while ago, I’m not sure how many people have seen it and, having re-read it, I realise that, for once, I am relatively proud of a piece of my writing that actually says something relatively concise and accurate about me.  So, have a gander at my about page

August 18th, 2011

The Art of Collaring

Collars have been playing on my mind a lot recently.  They’ve been a feature of the news, prompting an interesting post by Not an Odalisque but my mind has been thinking about them in a slightly different way, with thoughts jumbling and tumbling around, what with everything else going on in my life.

You may remember my post where I talked about my own submission.  Our dynamic is growing, adapting, changing and being explored.  One aspect of this came up a few weeks ago.  During a scene, S slipped a collar round my neck.  It wasn’t the first time I’d ever worn one, having been a teenage rebel (ha!), wearing them as a fashion statement (ha!), plus I also own a very nice leather posture collar but this was different.  The intention was different.

Feeling the collar encircle my neck, S’s caring and sadistic hands securing it.  The pleased look on her face.  I made no move to take it off until morning, feeling strangely content at having worn it all night, naked to the world except for it.  I actually felt some level of regret at having to take it off in the morning before going on my way to work. 

I don’t think I see the collar in the same way as some.  It isn’t a necessary symbol of our relationship and I don’t feel that to get into my submissive headspace that I have to wear it but to have S tenderly fix my collar in place does help me to connect to her.  I know some of it is less about the collar and more about the physical connection it brings in the act of having it put on and taken off me but there’s also something else.  The other week, S decided that she didn’t want me to take it off when we went out.  We were going to a munch and the SMDykes meeting anyway so it wasn’t exactly a problem with the company we keep and there was a small part of me that liked advertising our relationship to the ‘world’.  A constant reminder over those hours that I am hers.  Extending the moments, prompting more than a little reminder at the back of my mind. 

Again and again, my thoughts and feelings are disjointed and not fully formed.  I think dynamic is a brilliant word to use to talk about our d/s (and s/m) relationship.  It suggests fluidity and evolution and adaptation.  Nothing’s set in concrete whilst we learn to work with new feelings, different emotions.  I am enjoying exploring this side of me, a side I wasn’t sure I had.  But one thing is sure to me right now, that the act of placing that collar round my neck is sure to bring shivers down my spine, not through the cold but through the thoughts the start running through my head.

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