Archive for July, 2011

July 5th, 2011

Sinzine Soapbox Rant – Biphobia

Soapbox - Biphobia

I may get berated or lambasted or whatever for this rant but I was feeling quite wibbly about my sexuality when I wrote this.  I also want to point out, before some of you read this and jump to conclusions, I do not think that every gay and straight person thinks in the ways I may have mentioned and I don’t feel oppressed, marginalised or discriminated against.

For a long time, I’ve known that I’m attracted to both men and women. I’m currently
at a point where it’s mainly just women that I’m attracted to but, deep down, I know
I’m bisexual. Yet, look at my various online profiles and I will identify myself
as queer or gay or lesbian or dyke or anything that will avoid the B word. That’s
because I’ve managed to internalise a phobia for it, based on other people’s reactions
to that word. I was a member of my university LGBT society but was too scared to
tell them about my boyfriend, in case they decided I wasn’t one of them. I avoided
hanging out in lesbian bars because I was scared they’d treat me like an outcast
because I happen to like boys too. I’ve been called greedy, been told that I’ll make
my mind up one day, that I’m sitting on the fence, have had people imply that I was
only with women to titillate the men around me and, in general, look down on my
sexuality. Various straight people said it was just a phase and I was saying it because
I wanted to be cool. ‘How do you know?’ was what I was asked when I came out
at school. Is fancying women not enough? Even now, I’m scared to out myself to
various people. I’m a new member of my local LGBT choir and they know about my
girlfriend but I’m scared to mention the man in my life, for fear of not fitting in.

For a minority group, you’d think we’d stick together but there are definitely people
out there who seem to think the B doesn’t belong. If I’m with a man, I’m obviously
straight and have no right to include myself in the LGBT community and if I’m with a
woman, I must have made up my mind and be a lesbian. What if I was with no one?
Would that make me asexual? And just because I’m polyamorous and happen to have
a male and female partner, is that the only way I can use the word bisexual? Should
I feel so scared of alienation that I can’t even bring myself to identify with a certain
label? Of course I shouldn’t but, unfortunately, there is a lot of prejudice against
bisexual people and very few people willing to fit in that corner (and I really respect
those who do). I have moved on with my sexual identity but it would have been a lot
easier if I’d not been scared into avoiding the B word.

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